At one point or another, you or someone you know probably have met someone who had controlling tendencies. Indeed, there are various levels of control, but the ones I’m talking about are the ones that dictate who you can see, who you can be friends with, what sort of things you’re allowed to do and warn you what sort of consequences you’re going to have if you do not meet any of the things they put forth on you. Before you keep reading, here’s a few words of advice: STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THAT. However, worded advice alone really don’t do most people justice in this world and that is why so many people end up in prolonged abusive relationships, as their self-worth dwindle over time with their oppressive lovers.
Love is a way of life…
On a separate but similar note, many people often like to assign an universal definition to what love is. Love isn’t one variable that link two people together in harmony, aka what many people define what true love is. Instead, love is a way of life that contain many gradients of variables that connect two (or at times, more) people together through an infinite web of pushes and pulls. So while one particular way may work for Joe, Sarah, Jane and Rick, it may not necessarily work for Ranka, Minmay, Breetai and Sadako. However, that isn’t saying that abuse is one of those ways. There may be various gradients of what a lifestyle of love contains, but none of those gradients should hold factors of disrespect, abuse and control. Indeed, so long as there is lust, hurt, pleasure, satisfaction and jealousy in our human psyches, there will always be degrees of those things.
So with that said, we must look at every word, whether it has a good or negative connotation within context of the scenarios borne from them. In other words, we should not look at anything considered good or bad purely in a black and white way. Though we should also not excuse the bad away so whimsically just because you love that person. While love do not have definite boundaries, in the end, those fuzzy boundaries behave like a bouncy fishing net. Some things are allowed through, while others just bounce back. Ultimately, you are in control of how small those spaces are that filter out what you allow through and what you don’t.
Below is a screenshot of a mobile text message of what seems like an insecure controlling boyfriend telling his girlfriend what she is allowed to do. Make a mental note that he is using his enforcement of love as the basis of his controlling behavior, trying to excuse the obviously abusive attitude he has towards his girlfriend.
Also note that this is not a sign of his unrelenting love for her. It’s actually quite the opposite. This is the sign of unrelenting love he believes he deserves. It’s all about him. “Me me me” and “I I I”.
What he wants is a puppet that has a pulley string, for when he pulls on it, will say “I love you” on the sole condition that he has full control over her life. Are you a puppet or are you your own person?
Many people often use the excuse that they only want what is best for their partner, but the reality is that they only want what is best for themselves enforced by what they insist is love. Again, love is not one variable that link two people together in harmony. Harmony comes after each person in the relationship recognizes that love is a way of life and only through the realization and acceptance of what connect them together, can they truly attain harmony. Harmony is not a one way street. It can only come about when all involved are connected mutually.
If you ever happen to become involved in a relationship with someone who shows strong signs of control, you need to fortify your own boundaries of what is acceptable control and what isn’t. What the boyfriend expressed in the text message above should never be acceptable. What he wants is a puppet that has a pulley string, for when he pulls on it, will say “I love you” on the sole condition that he has full control over her life. Are you a puppet or are you your own person?